They say time heals a broken heart. But the psychologist told what steps everyone can take to ease the pain of breaking up a relationship.
Speaking to FEMAIL, British clinical psychologist Dr Rumina Taylor of HelloSelf, an online therapy platform, advised against keeping in touch with your ex and said it’s a good idea to dedicate an entire day to what makes you happy.
While it’s a common belief that you should remove your ex from social media completely, Dr. Taylor says that’s not necessarily the case. These memories can remind you of happy times and precious memories.
Here, Dr. Taylor reveals seven steps to help you deal with a breakup…
PUT YOUR NEEDS FIRST
While time may be the best healer for most, there are many ways to speed up recovery after a painful breakup, according to one psychologist (file photo).
Dr. Taylor said: “First, remind yourself that breaking up with someone is never easy or pleasant, and feelings need time to process and move on.
Remember that you’re both in pain, so it’s important to be kind to yourself and prioritize your needs.
You are used to having a significant other in your life, and the loss of that other being, whether on pleasant terms or not, can make people feel lonely.
If you feel this way, reach out to friends and family and don’t be afraid to ask for time to talk, support, or just be in someone’s company.
Talking about your thoughts and feelings can be a helpful method of processing loss and pain.”
DON’T KEEP IN TOUCH – IT WILL JUST CONTINUE THE PARTING
Secondly, whether or not you stay connected with your ex will depend on the circumstances under which the relationship ended, how much time has passed, and what you have achieved both cognitively and emotionally.
If the relationship ended well, it may be natural to reach out and make contact. It is also important to consider your motives for wanting to be in contact.
To many, this may seem like a way to calm an upset or get answers to the question of why something went wrong. Often we think that if we are in contact, it means that there is hope for reconciliation or that this is not the end.
In the short term, communication may relieve suffering and provide some relief, but in the long term it will prolong the process of separation.
Speaking to FEMAIL, Dr. Rumina Taylor, an award-winning clinical psychologist and chief medical officer, said that those suffering from grief after breaking up with an ex should avoid social media and rely on family and friends to help ease the pain. (File photo) )
AVOID SOCIAL NETWORKS
The priority after a breakup is taking care of ourselves, and while social media can make it easier to connect and connect with others, it can also lead us to compare our lives and despair.
TAKE A WHOLE DAY TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
Take the opportunity to reflect on your relationship with yourself. You also need to be nurtured and given the opportunity to think about how to take care of yourself and how to take care of your needs.
What we need for self-care is unique to us. For some, this can be a day in the diary, completely clean, with no obligations, and some alone time to get a breather and a chance to think.
For others, it may be a chance to get out and learn, discover and try something new. Some people may want to feel like they are being taken care of, and a day when they are taken care of is very rewarding.
What can you plan for that will give you a sense of pleasure and accomplishment? Who could you contact or reconnect with?
We all know that social media allows people to portray the life they want and this is a key message to remember after a breakup.
It can be helpful to take a break from social media for a while after the end of a relationship, as it gives you a chance to focus on your own thoughts and feelings.
Instead of keeping in touch with others through this mode, it may be more beneficial to see friends or family and get the opportunity to spend time in the company of other people.
Do not rush to change your relationship status or delete content. This may lead to comments or questions.
By focusing on your own well-being first and being able to get through the breakup, you will feel more equipped to read and respond to any feedback.
Over time, you may not want to delete all reminders of your ex. Some of them may represent happy memories of the past.
Finally, remember that you have a choice of what you post and whether you offer any responses to comments or questions. If you’re going to post online, do it for yourself, not your ex.
WRITE A LIST OF YOUR POWERS
If you find yourself feeling sad or worried about your relationship status, try to identify what is going on in your head that might be causing these difficult feelings, ask yourself if these thoughts are facts or are they really opinions?
If you find that your thoughts are more like opinions, remind yourself of this. Our opinions are often influenced by our experiences and how we see ourselves, others, and the world. Therefore, they are not always accurate.
Even if we feel bad, it does not mean that it is bad. Could there be a more wholesome and balanced way of looking at things right now? What would you say to your best friend right now if he shared your opinion?
Some people don’t feel worthy if they don’t have a soul mate. We know that our self-esteem depends on more than just whether we are in a successful relationship.
We all have many strengths, other things and people in our lives that matter. Take some time to identify all the things that make you who you are and write them down.
It can also be helpful to ask those closest to you to share how they see us and our perceived strengths.
Try to think of examples when you felt worthy but not in a romantic relationship. It can be helpful to identify three things a day and write them down.
Then, towards the end of the day, take the time to think about it and remember vividly what happened and what you did. This can be especially helpful for boosting self-esteem and reframing less adaptive beliefs about yourself.
WATCH A FASCINATING MOVIE OR DO ACTIVITIES
Sometimes we may need a push to get out of our heads and back into our lives. If so, engaging in activities that bring us into the present moment can be helpful, such as in an exercise class. stock images
Sometimes we may need a push to get out of our heads and back into our lives. If so, engaging in activities that draw us into the present moment can be beneficial.
For example, do exercises under the guidance of an instructor, such as attending a class with an instructor or watching a movie that grabs your attention.
You can also practice mindfulness meditation. These can be activity based exercises such as mindful walking or guided breathing exercises.
REMEMBER: DISASTER PROVIDES RESILIENCE
Dr. Taylor said: Many of us go through difficult and painful breakups. We manage these feelings and walk away from them.
Stress builds resilience and provides an opportunity to learn. Breakups also open the door to new meaningful relationships and love.
The key is to keep our attention in the present and constantly bring it back to the moment when our mind is inevitably distracted.
READY FOR A NEW RELATIONSHIP? MAKE A ROADMAP TO SUCCESS
If you feel like you’re ready to start a new romantic relationship, why not plan out the steps you’ll take to start the process and make sure each step is small?
How can you meet people? How can you feel relaxed and fun, and not push and scare? Who could you turn to for help or advice? Would it be less of a worry if you were introduced to someone by a friend, or if you went out together to meet new potential partners?
If that doesn’t work, that’s okay too. We are at our best when we have the opportunity to learn, so if something doesn’t go according to plan or the way you wanted, be sure to take one lesson out of it.
What went well? What did you do well? What did the potential partner do well? What would you do differently next time?
Could you write down the key points and discuss them with someone you trust to understand their ideas?
Often, when we plan and systematically work on a new venture, it seems to be more rewarding and has a better chance of success.
This approach to love and relationships does not have to be boring and unromantic.
We move towards something we want, but in due time and we learn a lot along the way. It’s fascinating.